I about fell over laughing this past week when I heard a radio personality talking about how much it would actually cost to buy everything in the “12 Days of Christmas” song.

So, how much would it cost you to buy your true love everything on the list?

A very cool $78,100.

If you shop online, the cost of the total 364 items, from a single partridge in a pear tree to 12 drummers drumming, is $128,886 due to shipping.

Since 1984, a group called PNC Wealth Management creates what they term the PNC Christmas Price Index every year to calculate a mirrored value of economic trends in the U.S.

Some influences for this year’s three percent increase are issues that have highlighted local and national news, as well as prices we’ve all been paying throughout the year.

For example, the minimum wage increase has bumped up the cost for eight maids a-milking to almost $47. Higher food costs have increased the cost of six geese a-laying by $60 up to $360.

Some things, on the other hand, didn’t increase in cost. Two turtledoves ($40), a partridge ($15) and three French hens ($40) remained the same. So did nine ladies dancing, at $4,759 and seven swans a-swimming, at $4,200.

PNC Wealth Management monitors jewelry stores, dance companies, pet stores and others in order to obtain average prices each year.

One of the most interesting things about the famous, well-known Christmas carol is that no one knows the origin of “12 Days of Christmas.”

One theory is that “12 Days of Christmas” really has nothing to do with buying presents — it is actually grounded in theological studies.

The origins of the carol, some say, was a coded way of teaching aspects of Catholicism during the religious wars of the 16th century. Though it’s largely dismissed as an urban legend, many still contend that the song is a mnemonic device that was meant to help children remember the Catechisms.

Whether or not the song is historically or theologically accurate is argued by both sides. However, it’s fun to take a look at what the different “gifts” could possibly mean.

The symbol of the two turtledoves is rumored to be the Old and New Testaments. The four calling birds could possibly represent the Four Gospels or the Four Evangelists.

Five golden rings could represent the first five books of the Old Testament, called the Pentateuch, which tells the story of man’s fall from grace.

The list obviously goes on all the way through the 12th day of Christmas. If one is to believe this version of the story, the true love who is giving the gifts refers to God, and the “me” receiving the presents is every baptized person.

Now, whether the legend behind the song is true or not, there is no denying that someone must have loved the author of the song to give that many unique, if unusual, gifts.

But when it comes right down to it, regardless of the gifts and mall traffic, nothing truly captures the feeling of Christmas like a good ol’ holiday carol.

So in true holiday spirit, here is a song to boost your Christmas cheer!

It starts in the last verse (please don’t imagine my horrible singing voice):

One the twelfth day of Christmas, AQ gave to me —

12 Nelson cheers
11 Holmdene hauntings
10 mangy squirrels
9 parking tickets
8 AB workmen
7 book vouchers
6 quad lectures
5 chairs from Lower Wege
4 TAP carts
3 Hruby rejects
2 flex dollars
… and coffee at the Moose for free!

How much would it cost? $92,588 (including a year’s tuition for the Hruby residents and an eight hour day for the workmen).